Even Broken Crayons Still Color

I never doubted that I would be healed of cancer, at least not initially.  In fact, before my first surgery, I asked the doctor if he planned to confirm that the cancer was still there before operating.  I could tell from his quizzical expression that he was thinking about scheduling me for a psych consult.  It's hard to explain but when you think you have great faith, it often comes across as foolishness.  I didn't want to have an unnecessary surgery when I had plans for God to heal me.

It turned out that my cautiousness wasn't needed.  Not only was the cancer still there, but when they operated they didn't even get it all. I was not looking forward to surgery number two or surgery number three.  By this time, I didn't know what I believed and I didn't know what to do.  It was time for God and I to have a serious conversation.  I had put together a list of things that, if followed, would almost guarantee immediate healing. 

• I prayed. 
• Others prayed.
• I made a list of every healing scripture I could find.
• I even included a dozen or so promises that weren't specifically healing but it couldn't hurt to have them.
• I confessed the scriptures several times a day.
• I listened to recordings of others reading healing scriptures.
• I read every book I could find on healing.
• I listened to every message I could find on healing.
• I confessed every known sin in my life.
• I asked God to reveal any hidden sins.
• I confessed a few things that might not be sins but were definitely borderline.
• I followed the doctors' orders.
• I felt confident I had the right team of doctors.
• I felt confident I was being treated at the right facility.

What else could God possibly want of me?  What was I missing?  I was just about at the end of myself!  Little did I know, that this was only the beginning.  God had plans to use the broken pieces of my life.  I had no idea that even broken crayons still color. 

   

What keeps me going? What inspires me?

Good music
Nothing can be as deafening as the silence of an empty room. I love jazz and R&B, but my favorite type of music is gospel. Some of my favorite artists are Kenny G, Will Downing, and Tamela Mann. It really doesn't matter what type of music you prefer, it's all about listening to something that will put you In the Zone. One of the contributors to cancer is stress, so any music that will de-stress you is going to be beneficial. 

Kenny G
Will Downing
Tamela Mann

My family
I truly love my family. I know that you're supposed to love your family but I've met some messed up people in my lifetime. You know, the kind of people that the only reason you love them is because they're your family. But I have a great family. I can honestly say that if they weren't my family, I'd love them anyway.

God
There is no way I could've made it this far without my faith in God. Not just my belief that there is a supreme being, higher power, and some people refer to Him as God. But I'm talking about my knowledge that God is the creator of the universe and He is Lord over my life. He is greater than any situation that I've ever found myself in and He's certainly greater than cancer. Even on the darkest of days, I can find evidence of God's goodness. Before cancer, I hadn't noticed the beauty of a sunny day or the joy of just sitting and kicking it with a really good friend. Man, I tell you, there's nothing better.

Are We Really Making Strides?

I hadn't been feeling well for quite some time. I'd been working long hours so I assumed that I was exhausted or perhaps even experiencing a little burnout. It was nothing unusual for me to go long stretches of time where I'd work 10+ hours a day, six days a week. I knew I'd been neglecting myself but I needed to finish this project and then I'd have time to eat better, get some much needed rest, and schedule a doctor's appointment.

I finally hit the proverbial wall where I suddenly realized that I wasn't going to finish the project and I couldn't keep going without squeezing in that dreaded doctor visit. I'd been delaying a visit until I could lose the couple of pounds she recommended each time I saw her. And now, not only had I not lost the couple of pounds, but I'd put on a few extra. Oh well, time to bite the bullet and see why I was so tired all the time.

After getting my blood drawn, running a few extra tests, and completing the dreaded annual exam, I went back to my workaholic routine and waited for the results. I was sitting at my desk at work when a call came in from my doctor's office. I took the call, expecting to hear a nurse's voice on the other end. I remember thinking, this can't be good, when I realized my doctor was calling to give me the results herself. "Lynn, I have your test results in and I'm sorry to have to tell you that it's conclusive. You have invasive ductile carcinoma." This can't be right. Was she saying that I had cancer?

Frightened and Confused

Did you know that it's been estimated that one in every eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer at some period in their lifetime? This means that you either know someone who has been diagnosed, or if you're like me, you yourself have been diagnosed with that real ugly word, the Big C, cancer.

A cancer diagnosis can be both frightening and confusing. I hope that you will use this website to minimize some of the confusion surrounding breast cancer and thereby remove some of the fears associated with it as well.

My plan is to recapture some of the thoughts and experiences I've had over the years as I was first diagnosed with breast cancer and later as I tried to plow through all of the information and misinformation out there. And somewhere in between all of that I'll share the process of what worked for me, what didn't work for me, some of the emotions I experienced, and some of the tools that helped me work through those emotions to get to a better place.

Battling breast cancer is a lot like life in the sense that you can't afford to spend all of your time focusing on the destination. 

"Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it."  Greg Anderson