Even Broken Crayons Still Color

I never doubted that I would be healed of cancer, at least not initially.  In fact, before my first surgery, I asked the doctor if he planned to confirm that the cancer was still there before operating.  I could tell from his quizzical expression that he was thinking about scheduling me for a psych consult.  It's hard to explain but when you think you have great faith, it often comes across as foolishness.  I didn't want to have an unnecessary surgery when I had plans for God to heal me.

It turned out that my cautiousness wasn't needed.  Not only was the cancer still there, but when they operated they didn't even get it all. I was not looking forward to surgery number two or surgery number three.  By this time, I didn't know what I believed and I didn't know what to do.  It was time for God and I to have a serious conversation.  I had put together a list of things that, if followed, would almost guarantee immediate healing. 

• I prayed. 
• Others prayed.
• I made a list of every healing scripture I could find.
• I even included a dozen or so promises that weren't specifically healing but it couldn't hurt to have them.
• I confessed the scriptures several times a day.
• I listened to recordings of others reading healing scriptures.
• I read every book I could find on healing.
• I listened to every message I could find on healing.
• I confessed every known sin in my life.
• I asked God to reveal any hidden sins.
• I confessed a few things that might not be sins but were definitely borderline.
• I followed the doctors' orders.
• I felt confident I had the right team of doctors.
• I felt confident I was being treated at the right facility.

What else could God possibly want of me?  What was I missing?  I was just about at the end of myself!  Little did I know, that this was only the beginning.  God had plans to use the broken pieces of my life.  I had no idea that even broken crayons still color. 

   

Frightened and Confused

Did you know that it's been estimated that one in every eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer at some period in their lifetime? This means that you either know someone who has been diagnosed, or if you're like me, you yourself have been diagnosed with that real ugly word, the Big C, cancer.

A cancer diagnosis can be both frightening and confusing. I hope that you will use this website to minimize some of the confusion surrounding breast cancer and thereby remove some of the fears associated with it as well.

My plan is to recapture some of the thoughts and experiences I've had over the years as I was first diagnosed with breast cancer and later as I tried to plow through all of the information and misinformation out there. And somewhere in between all of that I'll share the process of what worked for me, what didn't work for me, some of the emotions I experienced, and some of the tools that helped me work through those emotions to get to a better place.

Battling breast cancer is a lot like life in the sense that you can't afford to spend all of your time focusing on the destination. 

"Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it."  Greg Anderson